Saturday, 7 September 2013

PCDBL - Dreadball Extra!

Welcome back sports fans!  After last weeks somewhat annoying shenanigans we're back on track with the final round one matches.  And what a pair of matches they were.  Let's go straight over to Elwood and Kurt who have the latest results:

Elwood T. Bone
Thank you Mr Shot and welcome one an all to a veritable dreadball feast of delights.  We've witnessed two thrilling games this evening but before we start let's have a look at the unveiling of Super Nashwan's new team colours.

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
If we must ...

Super Nashwan ... look at them and admit that you are not worthy!
Elwood T. Bone
Oh yeah; that's a seriously hot look for the Nashwan ladies.  Let me just ... *mutters* ... says here connect this to ... erm, WOW!  OK, I'm ready - carry on.

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
What in the Nine Pits of Infernus III have you just attached to yourself?

Elwood T. Bone
Product placement - just carry on as normal ...

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
Is it going to buzz like that for the whole programme?

Elwood T. Bone
No its just ... warming ... UP! WOO-HOO!

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
Is there no nadir of human experience into which you will not dive head first?  It was a rhetorical question before you open your booze pipe to answer.  Moving on though ...

Zhambel Horsemen v Super Nashwan

Ready for launch!
Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
This was an epic match with plenty of violence and even some scoring for the more effeminate fans.  From the off both defences kept up a barrage of slams attempting to dominate the midfield.

Elwood T. Bone
Yes it took some time to break through with numerous ... nnnm ... BALL ... handling errors but with the game heading into the last half Super Nashwan #7 Striker, Akuro Shimekage weaved through the opposition to score a four point strike.   uuHHHH!

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
The midfield battle however left Super Nashwan's strike zones wide open.  A shocking oversight and frankly it let the Zhambel Horsemen get right back into the game.

Elwood T. Bone
Zhambel Horsemen #8 Striker Jonathan Cross picked up the ball from a favourable launch and sprinted down to the 3 point strike zone.  Unopposed he placed a well aimed shot right in the ... OO! ... HOLE ... from the bonus hex bringing the the team level pegging again.

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
With the clock running down Super Nashwan demonstrated their defensive brilliance; Zhambel Horsemen #7 Striker Jimmy Caan made a break for a loose ball.  Reading the move perfectly Super Nashwan #3 Jack, Hitoshi "Clothesline" Watabe stepped in with a reverse elbow to Caan's face.  Caan span 360 degrees before landing face down and dead on the pitch.  It was beautiful and as Super Nashwan like to say "HADUKEN motherhumper!"

Elwood T. Bone
Oh YES!  Hitoshi can interfere with me anytime ... mmmHUH!  With the game in sudden death and only three Zhambel players left on the pitch Super Nashwan took the game home.  Their #6 Striker Omura Inari swept up the ball and .... SLAMMED ... it home to take the game ...

ERMAGHERD!!!! ....wooooHOOOOOOO! ... mother ...

And I'm spent.

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
I've got sick in my mouth.  You are utterly repellent.

Elwood T. Bone
Wow, you've got to try this.  Don't worry; it's wipe clean.

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
Get bent.

FINAL SCORE:  Zhambel Horsemen 0 - 3 Super Nashwan

Guttersnipe Racketeers v Olympiakos Paiderastes

Elwood T. Bone
*Ahem* Much like a Marine on shore leave for the first time in six months this was all over in a flash!

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
Yes it was rather swift; I barely had time to finish my fight with a security guard before the klaxon went for the first strike.

Elwood T. Bone
The Guttersnipes had real problems collecting the ball fumbling attempt after attempt.  That said you've got to hand it to Olympiakos #3 Striker Zorba Papodopolous whose silky moves saw him slip through the Guttersnipe defence like a oiled man wrestler through a vat of KY jelly.

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
The Guttersnipes couldn't even exploit a lucky ball shatter leaving the way open for Olympiakos #1 Striker Stelios Faleraki to take the game with a 3 point strike in rush 4.  Total defensive meltdown.  I was shocked Elwood.

Elwood T. Bone
I think that was when the guard shot you in the back of the head with a tazer.  In any event the landslide victory puts Olympiakos Paiderastes up there with the highest scoring teams so far and a strong lead in Gamma Division.

FINAL SCORE:  Guttersnipe Racketeers 0 - 7 Olympiakos Paiderastes

Kurt "Jaegerbomb" Spanghammer
That's it from us for now.

Elwood T. Bone
Except to thank our sponsors for this show; Exquisite Stimulation and for the sample of their latest device the Priapus 5000 deluxe love tunnel simulator.  Just strap yourself in and scream if you want to go faster!


Thanks to Kurt and Elwood for their always insightful commentary.  One last thing for this blog, I thought you would like to see the current standings in our Golden Glove and Bloody Fist player awards.  The Golden Glove will go to the player with the highest strike total at the end of the league whilst the Bloody Fist will go to the player with the highest Violence Index.

The Violence Index is calculated base don the number of 3+ turn injuries a player causes with one point for injuring a player and 2 points for killing someone out right.  Keep your eyes on these players; they are certainly ones to watch!

Golden Glove
Team#NamePositionStrike Total
LCBW6Shoon-Ra the ContemplativeStriker6
Brutal Deluxe11Thelonius CaineStriker4
Brutal Deluxe12Kenshi "Kamikaze" HatamotoStriker4
Zhambel Horsemen8Jonathan CrossStriker4
Olympiakos Paiderastes3Zorba PopadopolousStriker4
Super Nashwan7Akuro ShimakageStriker4
Super Nashwan6Omura InariStriker3
The Vaticlan5Renik TwitchflickStriker3
The Vaticlan3Skrittik CheesewhizzStriker3
Psychotic Stunties13Herger "Tugboat" KremsStriker3
Olympiakos Paiderastes1Stelios FalerakiStriker3
Iron Sparkies10Carlos "Jalapeno" SantanaStriker3

Bloody Fist
Team#NamePosition3 turn injuriesKills Violence Index
Psychotic Stunties1Borden ForgefistGuard113
Brutal Deluxe1"Dutch" Van HaeganGuard012
Psychotic Stunties2Gunnar EarbiterGuard012
Crimson Corpse Creators2Mongo ManmasherGuard012
Super Nashwan3Hitoshi WatabeJack012
The Vaticlan8Sarkos the ScabarousGuard101
Helmheim Serpents1Gunnar BjarnissonGuard101
Lady Destroying Behemoths2Joe "Sous Chef" SuttonGuard101


  1. Stumbled across this somehow, really enjoying the coverage of the league. There are some great looking teams there. Keep up the great work.

    1. Thanks Monticus

      I normally post notifications of updates on the Mantic Forums in Dreadball Communications Network but if you have another web location you'd like me to post such notification just let me know and I'll get right on it!

    2. I am the first in my area to bring dreadball to the table. So I am just trying to break the other fantasy football hold in the area and get something going. So nothing but demo games here at the moment. Once we have enough for a league, and for those already interested I have pasted on a link for your league.